A warm welcome to my blog page. My name is Emma. I am a woman in her forties, Dutch by birth, globetrotter by nature, married, two children. Therapist, teacher, writer, permaculturist, home educator, musician, not necessarily in that order. Daughter, daughter in law, sister, friend, etcetera. These are quite a lot of things you now know about me, but you still don’t know who I am. Heck, I might not even know who I am!
We are so used to start summing up all these facts about ourselves when asked to tell anyone who we are, that many of us actually think that these little facts is who we are. But they aren’t. At most they are what we do or did. We, or rather the self, are beyond the these facts. And this is where language falters, where it is hard to go on and still make sense.
To be or not to be… conscious
Eckhart Tolle likes to use the words ‘being conscious’ with regard to knowing the self, which the scientist in me finds hard to understand, because to me consciousness is that part of me that just keeps on blabbing, while The Real Me is somewhere beyond that. Yet I do know what Eckhart is getting at when I read his texts. It’s the terminology that does not feel, hm, right to me. It is apparently very hard to catch I, me, or the self in one or two words. More importantly, I’m not even sure there is a self.
Jan Bor has an interesting thought: he writes about the unknowable source. If there would be a self it would also come from an unknowable source. A place that is so hard to understand, to describe that it might be better not to try. So let’s not, at least not at this point, in the very first proper blog on this website. I might scare you of! While I have so much more to offer than vague philosophies. As Socrates said, knowing that you don’t know everything is the highest wisdom. Knowing that it is hard, maybe even impossible, to know who or what I is, or if there even is a self falls into that category, if you ask me. For now I’ll leave it at that. Plenty more blogs to come to really get into this intricate matter if needs be.
Is being anyone but yourself even an option?
Let’s get back to all the things we do and that apparently define us as well, at least in the eyes of others. They have to go on something when getting to you know you, right? If we are lucky we love the things that we do and they are very close to our very being. But more often, they are not quite the things we love or even far from that. From the moment we are aware of our surroundings we have so many people telling us what to do and whom they would like us to be, that it is hard to stay in touch with yourself. Be who you are. It is easier to be who They want you to be and many people get through life that way with all the consequences it entails. But for some that is not an option. Being anyone but themselves is too hard.
I’m one of them. I spent a lot of my life trying to be what others wanted me to be. At regular intervals I tried to break away from that, although I didn’t recognise these episodes in my life for what they were at the time. And neither did my nearest and dearest, they just thought I had a bit of a wild streak, as they would put it. It took a long time, a deteriorating health and a lot of personal boundaries that were crossed before I finally realised that I was not on my path. I was on the path that I thought my parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances, society in general would like to see me on. That realisation was the start of a journey back to my proper path, a quest for my lost self. During that quest I met a lot of people, visited a lot of places, read a lot of books, tried many different things. They helped me get to where I am now. On my proper path, being the life coach, inspirator and change maker that I was meant to be, helping others get back on track.
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